Four years ago today, we were trying to process the news that Ken’s Biopsy revealed his condition was much worse than we had anticipated. His days would be shortened on this earth. We were in shock, and yet Ken was not at all dreading the inevitable; he knew where he was going and, at the same time, assured me that I would be okay. This season was once filled with all things holiday and hopes for the new year. Instead, our focus and attention were now forced on the difficult decisions to make, surgeries for Ken to endure, pain, and procedures that came on so abruptly and interrupted our lives. However, even amid this sudden whirlwind journey, Ken’s goal, even more than hoping to live long and strong, was to spend as much time as he could with his family. We hoped that more time, life, and memories would be made and did not dwell on the obvious in front of us or that this could be our last holiday season with Ken.
From just having moved to NW Arkansas three months before, we were facing more than we had ever planned, thought, imagined, or even feared would be in our lives. In just five short months, We moved from Texas, celebrated Ken’s 57th birthday, our 34th anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday, and New Year’s 2021, and then just a short time later, Ken slipped away from us into a deep sleep with death following on March 10th. Just four months from the first scans and ER visit and seven months from moving into our apartment in Bentonville, Arkansas.
I do not doubt that God carefully and intentionally orchestrated our moves, plans, and even the timing of Ken’s brain cancer diagnosis. Although Ken’s journey had an abrupt and painful ending, I am grateful and encouraged that there will always be more beyond this and other difficult journeys in this life.
While my husband’s four-month journey home was shocking, abrupt, and painful, I know that there is so much more to look forward to, with eternity being a long time. Over the past few years, I have experienced fewer and less intense times of deep grief, tears, and feeling lost in this world without Ken. Except for driving around NWA, I still get lost in that aspect! I have begun to enjoy more and more spaces in my life that no longer feel empty. That emptiness has been filled with immense joy, gratitude, hope, and love from Jesus. I am grateful for this four-year memory that started our painful four-month journey because it also reminds me of the hope I have to live for more now and forever.
At this moment, off the top of my head, I am grateful for More time to pray, hear from God through his word, love, laugh, serve, listen, encourage, learn, experience, remember, create, walk, breathe, smile, gaze into the stars, spend time with my grandchildren nearby, and pray for those far away, play with my dog, enjoy friends, welcome a new neighbor, share a few moments with someone on my path, experience music, and the arts, try new things, explore the world around me, make new memories and SO MUCH MORE!!! And there is more to come that I will share in the new year with you.
How about you? Off the top of your head, what would your grateful ‘more’ list be?
May God bless and encourage you in this holiday season. Whether you are facing a difficult memory of a significant loss, fractured relationships, or the added stress of the holidays, I pray that you will discover more about this season that will remind you of how much God loves you and how much more you have today and to look forward to.
Thank you for spending a few moments with me just now; I do appreciate you MORE than you may know😊
Pati
I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart: I will tell of your wonderful deeds.
Psalm 9:1 (NIV)
15 responses to “Grateful for Four and More”
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Pati,
Thanks for sharing this part of your journey. I’m grateful for YOU and the joy you bring to all of us who know you. Blessings to you and your family in this holiday season which is always full of bitter/sweet memories for us who have said goodbye too soon to those we’ve loved. Hugs!
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Pati,
I enjoyed your blog article immensely. I could feel your emotions in your heart and resonated, as much of what you said I felt having lost Dan. Although we had not moved like you had, we did celebrate 53 years of marriage just a few months before. Dan was diagnosed at the end of June and just a few days shy of 2 months he passed into the arms of Jesus. No matter how prepared one thinks they are, the loss is heartbreaking. In yesterday’s comment that did not go through I had asked if I could share this on one of my Wednesday sharing days on my ministry page at Eternity Matters With Norma. God bless you Pati and may you and yours have a blessed Thanksgiving.
Norma Shull Smith 2 Corinthians 1:2-5
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Thank you. Yes I agree in California. We saw each other more regularly through occasional visits in the community of senior living. And now we’re just a state away from each other. I’m so blessed through your friendship and continued encouragement. Looking forward to a rendezvous in 2025.
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Dear friend, your words and your attitude inspire me! Thank you for your honesty in sharing your pain, your challenges and struggles while at the same time always looking to the Lord for His comfort, strength and direction. God is using you in ways you never could have imagined!
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Pati Rader 
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