A Clean Slate

May I take you on a little journey back in time with me as I walk into a very old school building? Where my shoes click against the ceramic tile floors, as I follow an adult through a hallway of carved wood columns. I take a deep breath as I reach the solid carved wood classroom door that is at least 10 feet high. Well, they seem that high to a 2^nd grader. The air is damp and smells of wood, old books, and something I can’t quite make out.

A new start or clean slate my mother would say was before me as I ventured into my new school. This would be my 4^th new school since starting Kindergarten just two years earlier. Entering the classroom my senses are filled with children’s laughter and a popping noise from the heat radiator against the wall. Ah, that is the other smell, burning dust from a very old radiator. This cool Fall Day would be a new start for me in a new school, home, and town that would soon be filled with new memories, traumatic events, and surprises, but that’s another story for another time.

The teacher greets me and directs me to a wooden desk with a chair attached to it. As I sit down, I can barely reach my hands to the pencil grove on the desk top with just the top of my forehead poking above the desk surface. The teacher exclaims “That won’t do” and walks me to another desk at the front of the classroom. The one place I do not want to be is at the front of the room. Now everyone will be watching the new ‘little’ girl, me.

Making the best of a new or challenging situation was something I was learning at a young age through a multitude of moves and life changes. All of which made a big difference in how I would continue to face life’s curve balls and surprises. In that classroom, I knew that being in the front had its advantages, especially when you are shorter than all the other children and can barely see over their heads. As the new kid with all eyes on me; no one could see my facial expressions when I was lost in my thoughts (which happened regularly, and still does) or trying to learn something new.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sudden screeching sound coming from the front of the room. The hair on my arms stood straight up, and I winced what must have been a most awful, contorted facial gesture. Laughter ensued behind me, but I dared not turn around to look. However I soon heard children moaning and the girl next to me was holding her ears. So, I was not the only one hearing this ear-piercing sound. As I looked up, I could see that the sound was coming from the chalkboard as the teacher wrote on it. Noticing the screech, she turned the chalk around and it wasn’t as deafening. However, I have a sneaky suspicion that she knew it would make this sound, resulting in the students looking forward and paying attention to her.

Worse than the screech, from the chalk was what she wrote. Welcome Patricia, UGH! I did not go by my full name which I felt was too long and different, only used when I was in trouble, and did not fit my spunky self. Would I just go with it, or let the teacher and others know that I was called Patty and not Patricia? A clean new slate indeed, not what I had hoped for on this first day of school in the beautiful hills of Santa Barbara. But I would just wait and see what else would capture my attention on this day before I made a decision about what to do about my name. After all, from my short recent experience, we would not be living here long, and a new school would be in my future no doubt, so maybe my name wasn’t a big deal after all. A new clean slate would be in my future.

My eyes and attention focused back to the teacher at the big charcoal chalkboard with its tray of chalk and black felt erasers. I watched and listened as she led us through lessons, wrote out spelling words, and arithmetic problems. Up in the corner, she drew a weather picture, a face in a cloud on this day. She was a very talented illustrator as well as a teacher. Included on the board would also be a record of mistakes or demerits along with the names of naughty children. During recess, a student might be writing out sentences in response to a broken rule. I will not do such and such again, etc. Whew, at least I didn’t get that kind of attention! All through the day the chalkboard would be filled with all sorts of writings and drawings. And then at the end of the day it was completely erased with the black felt erasers. Followed by the teacher gliding the soft super eraser across every inch of the chalkboard which removed all traces of chalk, revealing a like new surface, a clean slate that was ready for the next morning.

But what of the black felt eraser at the end of the day? After all, they had cleaned up and filled their very fibers with chalk dust and were not as clean and ready for their intended use without a good cleaning. Oh, the thrill of being selected to clean erasers. Am I the only one who looked forward to and had a fun time cleaning the chalkboard eraser? We were instructed to whack something! And whack away I did, eraser to eraser, eraser to the exterior brick building, and at times the other student who shared the fun task. A chalk dust competition ensued, who would have the highest flowing dust, fly further across the playground, or who would make a bigger mess? But ultimately who would end up with the cleanest eraser and get the approval of the teacher with a well-done response? Wiping the dust from my dress, I would walk back in proudly carrying the cleaned-out black felt erasers to the teacher. I had been a part of helping the teacher and the chalkboard get cleaned up and ready for a clean slate the next day.

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What is a Clean Slate?

My memories of childhood often provide stories and thoughts that apply to my life today. With this one taking a bit more written space. I hope I didn’t lose you in my reminiscing. I find it therapeutic to return to my childhood or past seasons to consider the lessons learned, blessings received, and even poor choices and struggles that brought me to where I am today. A Clean Slate is where I seemed to be heading on this blog journey today.

So what does it mean to have a clean slate? I did a bit of research and discovered that a Clean Slate is described as:

A new start; especially to make a new start by clearing the record. This phrase comes from the use of chalk and slates in classrooms in the past. By wiping the slate clean, a student could remove any evidence of a mistake. (Dictionary.com)

The Clean Slate Act of 2023- would automatically seal the records of nonviolent drug-related crimes and create a new, streamlined record-sealing process for other qualifying, nonviolent crimes. (house.gov)

We do not have to carry the burdens of our past failings, sins, and grief throughout our entire lives because God offers us a clean slate.
(https://sermons.logos.com/sermons/886602-clean-slate)     

The clean slate law seals records of wrongdoings, which cannot be brought for in any other proceeding in your future. That sure sounds a lot like how the Holy Spirit upon our confession removes our sins and grants us a clean slate as it were.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV

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My Approach to A Clean Slate

Whatever I have experienced or done is written on the chalkboard of my life. Try as I may to erase them or force myself to clean up my messes alone is a futile attempt. Like the dust-filled eraser being whacked and cleaned out each day, only to be filled up again. The super eraser is all that can finish the job, smooth over, and result in a clean slate. I need to accept my saviors steadfast love to fully experience A Clean Slate.

Carrying the weight of my transgressions, wrongdoings, offenses, and sins serves only to create a dirty cloud of dust on what could be my otherwise clean slate. Seeking forgiveness as well as accepting his grace and mercy is a daily process. His mercies are new every morning.

No matter what I have done, He will never be surprised or turn away from me when I call on him. Great is His faithfulness!

Lamentations 3:22-23 The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness.

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In Closing

This was the most difficult blog for me to complete. I have pages of notes and thoughts on how a Clean Slate is defined, approached, and in line with biblical teachings.  As well as stories of my youth, yes there is a lot more to the story I shared. But when it came to putting it all together, cutting content, more memories and thoughts swirled around my mind and it clouded up like the chalkboard in my story. I could not seem to narrow things down or complete this blog.

Was I to focus on the eraser, the mistakes and sins I commit, and how I cannot simply erase them through my own efforts for a day, and clean up the eraser? Only to face them again the next day?

Was it the chalkboard that contains so much of what I encounter each day along with mistakes, and offenses?

Was it the life journey that took me to so many homes and schools throughout my life, where I was given a clean slate over and over again?

Or is it what I am growing into today, that of a woman who became a widow, and with all the writing and notes on the chalkboard, needs to regroup and experience God’s steadfast love that is new every morning?

I reached out for prayer from a few sisters in Christ who are also walking the widows journey. Thank you precious ladies. I then took a break and literally knelt down on my floor, asking the Holy Spirit to empty me out, erase my chalkboard as it were, and enable to fill this blog with what He wanted me to share. After a few hours of precious time with my Grandgirls and a welcome pause, I was able to return and things began to come together. Not by my own effort to be sure! Thank you Jesus!

I discovered that for me the Clean Slate is not just about the obvious sins and offenses, but more of what I try to control, not let go of, listen for clear direction from above or wisdom right in front of me. Ken and I had a relationship of love and friendship along with life coaching and personal growth that we invested in each other. There are times like now finishing this blog that I would have bounced things off of him and gleaned from his wisdom and input. It’s not that I can’t do this on my own, it’s more of learning to lean into Jesus and trust him all the more as a woman on my own. There is much more to that story too.

Thank you for reading and sharing my journey today. Please feel free to share your thoughts with me via the comments or email.

May God Bless and encourage you my friend,

Pati

Please take a moment to listen. “The Steadfast Love” by a powerful worship team.

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This is a most appropriate and insightful short four day study that you might enjoy reading. I must admit I did it all in one day during my research on the topic.

“Clean Slate” on YouVersion Bible App 
https://www.bible.com/en/reading-plans/23232

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Please contact Pati via the Connect page. Thank you.

A Widows Journey by Pati Rader