Choices and Decisions

Buying a house is not a decision I will likely be faced with in this new phase of my life. Nor is the choice of real estate, floor plans, or finishing elements on my to do list. Especially after reading a news article about the housing prices increasing 50% since pre-pandemic, along with the required income for a median priced home in 2023 over $110,000 a year. As well as the fact that I am not in the 30 year mortgage age bracket. Nope, not a decision that I am looking into now. Not sure how anyone can at this point!

I was not disappointed or angry at the realization that I would not likely be making a house purchase decision at this time in my life. But, instead relieved that no decision for me is somewhat freeing while opening up space in my mind to consider other choices and decisions now and in the future. Ken and I made a great team when it came to big decisions, I am fairly confident that we would not venture into the decision of a new home these days. Even though that was our plan when we moved to North West Arkansas, buy a home, or land and build. But instead with his passing, our then temporary plan for renting has become my home of choice now. I am grateful to not have a mortgage or be making a decision to stay or sell the home we might have bought together. The timing, God’s plan unfolding, was and is perfect for me now. Renting has many advantages, one of which is the freedom to move when you so choose without the need to sell your home. Not having the cost and headache of maintenance, repairs and upgrades and so much more.

I reminisce of a new home we bought in 1997, that just a few years later we were making the decision of moving out of upon the discovery of construction defects and toxic mold in the walls and HVAC that had been making us very sick. We had to move out, lived in various hotels and rental homes for nearly two years while awaiting repairs or recovery during a lengthy legal process. At which time 90% of our belongings were removed to be destroyed, and the home sold as is in it’s unlivable condition. But that is another story of a series of decisions and loss that helped us in other ways. Most significantly that of regaining our health! God graciously and powerfully provided a way out of an environment that was literally destroying our lives.

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As a young adult I faced many choices and decisions. What courses to take in college, although that was a short list and year. Where to work, lots of different jobs, what to pursue for a career. When to move out and find my own place. How to pay for rent and live on a budget. Keeping my car running, trading in when it failed. The most important one was committing my life to Christ at 18 fresh out of High School at a Christian rock concert. However just a short time later I was living through a few years of poor choices and difficult decisions. But God had other plans, even through my blunder years. Fast forward to Ken and I planning our lives together, with my two children, having two more babies, moving a few times, Ken making a career change, buying a home, health choices, family crisis decisions, church and ministry paths, raising kids, losing parents and family members, more losses, and decisions. And yet all of those life decisions, the big ones, the plans for tomorrow, the future seem to culminate with our move to North West Arkansas where our plans were to work, build a home, be grandparents and then retire. We had a plan. Or so we thought.

It seems that just a few years back, during the mid years of my life we were planning for the future, goal setting, acquiring and getting ready. For WHAT? To retire, yes, enjoy life, yes. But when that plan was reduced from a plan of two to one, change happened and with it new choices and major decisions to make on my own. Not time to start over per se, but a deep pause, to take inventory, seek wise counsel from above, and before making any major decisions allow the loss and grief space to process while letting go of previous expectations and plans that would need altering or ending. Allowing God to move in and through me as the painful process at times consumed me, he was revealing the new unfamiliar path before me one step at a time.

Retired by choice, living this new life as a widow not at all by choice. In this new chapter of my life, I have been faced with numerous choices and decisions. Some that have at times been mundane, day to day, nothing to difficult to face or make that would cause chaos, financial ruin or disrupt my lifestyle. While at other choices that seem to stop me in my tracks as it were. I then find myself over thinking, pondering, downright fretting and becoming anxious. I turn to God and his word that tells me not be be anxious and I find peace as I trust him in the midst of my jumbled mind and emotions.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4:6,7

It’s not that I do not have the capacity to make major decisions on my own. The fact that Ken and I faced most of these big type decisions together leaves me a bit unsure of the outcome of my decisions at times. But I have learned that when I do make a decision, it’s okay to learn through the mistakes and celebrate the wins! Sometimes I find the best decision is no decision, just wait, pray and unless it’s crisis or immediate, to just wait. Not so easy for me, but I give myself permission to just leave it for another day. Writing it down somewhere or noting my calendar in the future gets it off my mind for now, in most cases.

One of the not so simple choices, to share my story with you. Making the decision to select the publish button when I am not sure if what I write makes sense or will help anyone else but me. But then not making that decision I find myself constantly thinking about the next blog or when I will sit down and write. And when I do finish and click publish, I feel better, as if I just completed a needed task and am able to take a break. It’s that adage of not putting off tomorrow what you can accomplish today. Even that is a decision! I believe that includes thoughts that run through my mind. In the case of a blog it’s not a life changing decision or getting in the way of anything else pressing. What about you, is there a choice or decision that is constantly on your mind, that you could face today, or at the least put off to another time and give your mind a rest?

I have discovered many widows face a similar sense of second guessing or lacking confidence in their decisions. I suppose the reason I am writing this blog is to not only share my thoughts but to encourage others facing similar situations, that they are not alone in this chapter of widowhood. We are not broken women, unable to stand on our own or make decisions. Instead we are widows navigating a new chapter in our lives. We are merely adjusting, thinking through, praying for guidance and considering what is best for now and in our own future without our husbands input, collaboration and participation. We are making choices and facing new decisions daily some unchanged and others very different on our own and moving forward with our lives.

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May God bless and encourage you today, and may you find comfort in knowing that God is with you in all of the choices and decisions you will make today and all of your tomorrows.

Pati