“Listen…”

“Listen I am speaking loud and clear.” Those words seem to ring in my ears early one morning. As if God himself were saying to me or impressing my thoughts, “I have been speaking to you all along but you haven’t been listening”. Ouch! I have been asking, searching, crying out, even dictating at times but not truly listening….

I would concur that I had been listening for the most part but in a “few” areas where I was asking for specific answers it was just f I had pods of cotton shoved in my ears or was underwater aware of conversations above me but unable to hear anything but mumbled noise. Or perhaps by choice or avoidance I just didn’t wanna hear the answers and continued to to plod along aware but not in tune.

My listening ears became keenly in tune and aware one day as I prepared to step into a new day. For some time and many years before I have dealt with a chronic painful hindrance that seems to flare up when I overdo it or go through a stressful time. Oh gee why didn’t I notice that.? I was focused on trying to keep up, engage with life in this new season as a widow oblivious to the hindrance of pain not even realizing I wasn’t listening to my own body as it were when the pain was there telling me time to slow down Pati.

God creatively and intentionally designed our bodies to feel pain. There is so much written on the subject but suffice it to say pain is an indicator. In most cases. If you want to read more on pain one of my favorite books is by Philip Yancey; “Where is God When It Hurts” with Dr. Philip Brandt.

Pain both physically and emotionally along with wise counsel led me to make a much needed and long overdue decision to alter my daily commitments and activities including work. I had started a volunteer position a year ago which then led to a very nice part time job, but anyone who knows me knows I don’t do short or little so once again I thrust myself into more hours than I should pushing my physical limitations and working nonstop without breaking. Thank God I didn’t break something in my body along the way. But the evidence of pain physically and emotionally got my attention and now I am listening.

I resigned from my position as a result of listening, finally, and am determined to focus on getting this body and mind in the best shape I can. Which includes continued Bible study, conversations with God, walks, exercise, healthy eating and laughter!!! After all this body is merely my temporary shell and ultimately belongs to God and I have a responsibility to be a good steward of this body I live in. As well as the mind he has entrusted to me.

How did I get here at this point of realizing I wasn’t listening? I kept going and kept doing keep moving forward and not listening. Being involved, staying busy, feeling valued had literally distracted me. And it’s not just about pain which did get my attention. But also my drive to do and be something in the midst of this season in my life where things have changed so drastically. Being somewhere making a difference working on a project being appreciated all played into my overdoing it. I know I know I must learn to take bite-sizes of this life I live.

Do you remember when we had paper calendars those little small ones from Hallmark store where we would write all the details of our lives into a tiny little space.? Or the ones we graduated to with three rings and all the different places to store ideas and notes and more? I once shared at a women’s event how important a pencil is when filling in your calendar. And then I asked them to turn the pencil over and remember that erasing something from your calendar is sometimes more vital and important than adding more to it. It’s a visual that I am remembering now. Gone are the paper calendars, although I must admit I I still have one as back up. And I do enjoy writing things down and using my eraser too.

So at this time in my life I’m erasing or taking some things off my calendar to allow for open space where I can truly listen heal and be better prepared for whatever my Lord is encouraging me to do. And Reminding myself that sometimes saying no or not now or it’s time to move on can be so very important in every season of life.

Thank you for being here today and sharing in my journey. Update after one week the pain has subsided and I am adjusting to this more relaxed season. May God encourage you in whatever season you are in.

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