I am still here…

Posted byPati L RaderPosted inUncategorized

While it has been a bit of a pause in sharing on this blog, just letting you know… I am still here.

Tanyard Creek Trail, Bella Vista Arkansas Summer 2022

Through the hot summer months I welcomed the break of showers, listening to the roaring thunder and watching the display of brilliant light in the clouds. Sometimes standing on my porch or peering through the window with Kippy, my second summer here without Ken…. I am still here.

Experiencing the hint of a new season about to burst forth as I see a few leaves turning red on nearby trees. This coming fall season was Ken‘s favorite he absolutely loved fall and the beautiful trees. A smile begins to lift my face and my eyes crease when I remember the joy he experienced looking at God’s creation. He is absent from this world now with God but his memory is not absent… I am still here.

At times the grief is so intense and deep coming on like a pounding summer shower out of nowhere and leaving a rain soaked muddy mess to wade through and dry up. At other times the grief comes and goes like a light refreshing rain leaving behind sun filled vibrant blue skies with a rainbow. But the heartfelt pain and intensity of emotions is felt and I am learning very necessary to processing and growing through grief. Grief happens and … I am still here.

Experiencing this grief without Ken is difficult to describe. He was the one that would allow me to fall into his arms hold me tightly pray for me and encourage me when things were falling apart around me. So not only have I lost the love of my life I’ve also lost the one that would physically comfort me through such a loss. But in spite of his absence God provides comfort and assurance other ways and reminds me of his love and … I am still here.

God has sprinkled and at times cascaded me with hope and encouragement while being deluged during a grief storm:

A surprise text or note from friends near and far who have no idea what I am thinking or doing; “Praying for you today”, “How are you”, “Miss You”, “when can we connect”, “you are on my mind”. Thank you God for friends that have not stopped reaching out and who pray for me. Thank you for reminding them that … I am still here.

Thank you for a book I bought on a recent book thrift store outing with my daughter and girls, a book that in the late night hours I felt needed to be looked at and that after 2 hours I had highlighted sections, shed tears, and thanked God for the reminders and that indeed … I am still here.

Although I am only a few chapters in I would highly recommend anyone and everyone to read this book along with Gods word of course. “Confessions of a Grieving Christian” by Ziegler.

Thank you God for Zig Ziglar and his family for sharing their grief and hope.

There is an enormous gratitude of heart and wonder how I was ever blessed to have this remarkable person Ken in my life. He truly was a gift. A gift that while absent continues to bless my life in so many ways. From his wisdom and humor to his unwavering commitment of love to me; I continue to experience the benefits of his life lived well. His presence is absent but … I am still here.

The memories of the years of Kens Life lived with me are still very much alive in my heart. And as it should be, he may be absent but … I am still here.

While I will continue to live and strive to fulfill Gods plan for this next season of my life and as I experience the grief moments or storms along the way I know I am not alone. Our Heavenly Father knows me, hears my prayers, loves me and is with me… because of God’s purpose and plans…. I am still here.

Yes … I am still here. Ken is with God. God is with me.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted…” Psalm 34:18

28 thoughts on “I am still here…”

  1. Oh friend, what a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing the truth about your greif and being so vulnerable. You are indeed still here. God sees and knows, and I know you know that. We are still grieving the loss of our sweet daughter Megan, so I have a glimpse of what you shared. The last five months have been such a strange and painful mixture of pain for our loss and gratitude for God’s presence. I love you friend. Let’s talk soon. Sending you hugs and prayers. 🙏🏻💜🌸

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    1. Oh sweet friend my heart and prayers for you both as you grieve your loss of Megan.
      Thank you for your valued friendship and sisterhood in Christ…

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  2. God continues to use you, through the pain, and because of it. Thank you for your faithfulness to listen and to share, bringing hope to others. Love you friend!

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    1. Listening has not been easy thank you for the reminder of how valuable this time is for me and others. Looking forward to seeing you soon my friend.

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  3. Dear Pati,
    Thank you for sharing this and hope memories of Ken brings you peace and comfort. His spirit and love remain with you always. Sending a big hug. Bernice

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  4. I think of you ALL THE TIME!! You cannot imagine how much I miss you & Ken♥️ You two are with me always & forever, burned in my heart & my precious memories.. I am so happy that you are so strong though it’s painful, I pray for peace in your soul 🙏♥️ And I know that your found book at the thrift store was not by accident, it was meant for you by your guardian Angel 😇 I love you sissy ♥️😘

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    1. Yes indeed God has continued to bless me through not so coincidence finds and friends…. Thank you for your prayers thoughts and love…. I hope we can catch up face to face someday….. hugs lil sis🥰

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  5. Thank you Pati for sharing your heart with others. Surely, I can appreciate all you wrote of after having lost my dear Christian wife of 39 years. We loved each other so much as I know you and Ken do even though he’s in Heaven and you are still here. I am so blessed to know we’ll see our soulmates once again in Heaven and will be together with the Lord Jesus throughout eternity .

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    1. Thank you Bill for your thoughtful comment and for being a kind and understanding neighbor. And yes indeed we have a lot to look forward to in Heaven.

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  6. Beautiful Patti! I am thankful you are praising Him in the storm! That probably encourages others more than you will ever know.
    Blessings to you today, friend.
    Robyn

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    1. Your are a gift! Have you seen the signs on the roadways preparing us for the upcoming TriFest event?… so blessed that God introduced us all at this event 2 years ago🥰

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  7. Pati,

    I think of you often and as crazy life’s demands propel me into the next day, this is the perfect opportunity to stop. Take pause and share a couple of things.

    First, you are amazing. Your love of God and the strength to share His many blessings is inspiring. As you take comfort during your various waves of grieving; respecting God’s Will over our own and knowing that Ken is safely in His care, and honoring His everlasting love for you (for all of us) is a significant reminder of how much we each have to be thankful for.

    I take comfort in reading your heartfelt perspective through all of your experiences. I thank you so much for sharing.

    Secondly, your writing is a gift to all of us who are lucky enough to receive it from you. The Spirit clearly moves through you in such a beautifully poetic way. Not only does your writing capture the essence of your core feelings, but it also lends itself to helping others in meaningful ways.

    I am warmed to know “you are still here” and may God continue to bestow and provide an abundance of His blessings and healing ❤️‍🩹 upon you, Kippy 💗and your family.

    Love, Terri

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

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    1. Oh Sweet friend your words are so very much appreciated. Thank you for pausing and sharing a few moments with me through your comment. High School was so long ago and yet God has blessed me many years later through you. Thank you for remaining present in my journey🥰

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  8. Hello, dear friend! Your words are a soothing reminder of the hope we have in Christ – as long as we are here in this broken world He is with us and one day, like your beloved Ken, we will be with Him. Love you much and miss you!❤️❤️ Thank you for sharing your journey.

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    1. Rebecca thank you for reading my blog and staying in touch. Ken and I missed you all and hoped to connect again…. We certainly will in Heaven…

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  9. Bless you Pati. I am so VERY sorry that you are walking this path, but I am thankful that you are sharing this journey honestly. What a blessing you are to others struggling through the same Valley. I am confident of God’s continued presence in and through the tears and broken heartedness. Praying for God’s continued peace and comfort.

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