First of The Last

It is March 1 the first day of the last month That I will complete one year as a widow. There are so many thoughts swirling around in this brain of mine. Taking a moment to share them with you…

Who but the Lord our God would know that this month last year would be the last month Ken would live in his earthly body. At this time last year we were in the midst of heavy meds severe pain environment changes and all things indicating impending end of life. Just weeks before we had anticipated a few months more and now we were living in the last days of my sweet husband‘s life. These last days of devastation as Ken was experiencing his body becoming consumed with cancer and literally waiting to be with Jesus. At the time my prayers and hopes were that he would be relieved of pain soon all the while holding back my heartbreak that would eventually erupt and spill into my new existence as a widow without Ken.

Today I sit alone without my sweet husband Ken but also without the horrid experience of watching him writhe in pain. It is bittersweet and I truly thank God for taking him home before the potential of more suffering. Yes I would rather be alone than where I was last year at this time.

Today I have more “free” time than I have ever had in my life. I have time to seek my Lord read his word to pray and grieve. I have time to think which at times can be all consuming as thoughts can become anxious or difficult to process. However in this time I can do what and when I desire. I am so very thankful for this gift of time from my heavenly father.

Time is such an interesting concept we either are constantly running out of it or filling space with anything we can or looking back with regret of wasted time. In this time of nearly a year of grieving over the loss of my husband and best friend I have learned and grown to appreciate the gift of time.

As I prepare to begin my second year as a widow I leave behind so many experiences and new understanding of what life becomes when one loses a loved one. But even in leaving these behind I carry them with me into my new future my new journey my new chapter where I trust God to continue to lead guide nurture and protect me in this time.

I truly thank you for joining me on this journey that will continue As I learn more and more about myself and about how valuable this time I have on this earth is for more than I could even imagine. I am so very thankful to our Heavenly Father for the provision of time resources and so much more in this past year.

I pray that wherever you are in your own journey wherever you are using the time that God has blessed you with that you would pause for a moment and consider what this moment in time might look like a year from now. How might you invest spend or rest in this very moment of time now?

As I approach this first day of the last month Ken lived last year I am ever mindful of the gift of time. May you be blessed with and encouraged in your time today tomorrow and your future.

Ecclesiastes 3:4 (NIV): … a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

Psalm 62:8 (NIV): Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge