Football and Valentines….

Last year I would not have made any connection between the biggest football game of the year and Valentine’s Day. Of course this year having them fall within hours of each other along with the memories from last year is a bit overwhelming to say the least. Thank you for sharing in these memories and my post today.

I am grateful that I journaled a lot last year although it is with a heavy heart and tear clouded eyes that I read these entries and remember how difficult these final memories made with Ken were. On the other hand I am reminded of how devastating the brain cancer was on Ken and how important the time we had left was to have been spent with those we love.

“ that was the last Super Bowl I think I will ever see and the worst!“… Ken stated after watching the game with our son-in-law and family.

After the kids had left Ken wrapped his arms around me stroked my hair, cried and told me how much he was going to miss me but that I would be OK. We sat for the longest time in silence praying crying and then thanking God for the marriage that we had our children our grandchildren and our family. It was a very special moment that I am grateful for. But today it’s as if the floodgates have opened and the tears that were bottled up on that day have flooded my heart and face today. I am not ashamed of the tears (I will share more about what I have learned and experienced about the Blessings and benefits of tears at another time)

In less than a month my sweet and loving husband and best friend will have been gone for a year. There are so many mixed emotions and thoughts whirling around in my brain. And no doubt these memories that crop up now of his final time on earth along with the intensity and his experience of pain have reminded me of how gracious our God has been in taking him home and releasing him from his pain and increasing lack of capacity.

However I am still here and while I might not be that interested in football or Valentines Day I certainly miss him!

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. We were not big on celebrating holidays however this holiday itself is a reminder of what one has or is lacking in the form of a relationship. I am so thankful and blessed to have had a husband and best friend who loved me and demonstrated to me the love of Jesus Christ.

I miss him every day, I miss his love for me, I miss his love for Jesus, I miss his love for his children grandchildren and family, I miss his laughter, I miss his touch, I miss his voice so very much but most of all I just miss him!

I don’t miss football games per se but I do miss laying out special snacks for him to watch a game listening to him root for his favorite team and shout out what to do is if they could really hear him ha ha ha.

Valentine’s Day will never be the same for me. I am so thankful to not be living another one like last year as Ken was experiencing pain, confusion and the reality of his impending death. But for the 34 years of hearing Ken say happy Valentine’s Day sunshine, sometimes even singing me awake with “You Are My Sunshine My Only Sinshine….” giving me a card, flowers or doing something special for me I will cherish in my heart always.

This Valentine’s Day I will celebrate very differently with my new cuddly friend Kippy. He has certainly brought lots of love fun and entertainment into my life. Obviously he will never begin to fill the chasm created by my sweet Ken‘s departure but it is a blessing to have Kippy in my life.

I wasn’t going to write today as I am emotional sad and not feeling the best. However I thought of my dear sisters in Christ who have also recently lost their own husbands. (And those I am not aware of too) They are also experiencing their first Valentines day and Super Bowl without their husband.

My thoughts turn to the many widows and to you as you read this blog. What can we do to encourage these precious women who are living life so very differently without their husbands especially on these big days? I never considered that I would be one of these women a widow at this age in my life no one ever thinks of that moment when you are suddenly without your husband. But here we are.

I am a Widow….

We may have sad days lots of tears, grief, and emotional roller coaster days as our lives have been turned upside down. But we are still here. We live on differently and rise to the challenges that we face sometimes all alone. In the midst of all of this we covet your prayers, encouragement, notes, hugs and love.

May I ask you to reach out to that widow you know of today on Valentines Day. Just a simple text or note or scripture that lets her know she is thought of, remembered and loved.

“And now these three remain faith, hope, and love but the greatest of these is love”1Corinthians 13:13

Thank you friend🥰