Making Meaningful Memories

Not long ago I developed a program that included making meaningful memories for loved ones living through the difficulties of cognitive decline and memory loss. While there are many benefits in looking back on memories there is also much to be gained by focusing on making new meaningful memories. As I experience my first Christmas season without my best friend and husband I am so very grateful for meaningful memories we made together. While I am looking back at what we shared together, I am also looking at today and the future for meaningful memories even without Ken. It is not an easy process, but necessary and valuable for this new chapter I am beginning to ‘read’ as it were.

Three years ago in 2018, Ken and I experienced our first Christmas alone, without our children and their families. They had all left California in 2018. It was a very strange season for us, the majority of what we had done and participated in, where we spent holidays and made memories was with our growing family. Suddenly they were gone. But we set out to make new memories together, all the while hoping and praying to be close to them again someday, but in the meantime we stepped into this new season. This is a picture of us attending an event together.

Two years ago in 2019 we experienced our first Christmas together out of California, as had moved to Texas. We were so thankful to be able to visit the kids and experience a different season and make new memories.

One year ago in 2020 we experienced our last Christmas together as we were going through Ken’s sudden brain cancer diagnosis, surgeries, pain, memory loss and the surreal reality of fewer days ahead than we had planned. But even in that surreal time we made new memories with our family.

This year 2021 I am experiencing my first Christmas without Ken. We celebrated 34 Christmas mornings together. Those memories will not change, they are reminders of love, provision and so much more to me. Meaningful Memories and More! I doubt any of our kids have a present we wrapped for them or remember how the house looked each year, or what we ate. I don’t remember either. But the meaningful memories of love shared, hugs, smiles, and the joy shared will stay with me even in Ken’s absence.

This year is different, I am making new memories:
• singing in a Christmas Choir for the first time in years and the first time in my new home town.
• blessed to be working a few hours a week at a ladies thrift boutique that raises funds and awareness for the needs of women.
• allowing myself to grieve, experience the pain of loss as well as grant myself permission to do things differently and pray for opportunities to help others
• giving myself a special gift from Ken that he wanted me to have when he was gone… I will share in detail in a future post…

Christmas will never be the same without Ken, but the meaning of Christmas will never change! That Jesus came as a baby to literally save us, to invite us to share the rest of eternity with him. This time on earth is so very limited. I have realized all the more that even with all of the meaningful memories made or shared nothing can be added to them when a person is gone. But to stay in that spot of just looking back, not leaning into what the future holds, giving up on possibilities is not where I want to be. Sure there are times when the grief is so deep and hard that I cannot see beyond the tears. At those times I know that my Lord is literally comforting me and lifting me up, allowing me to grow through this grief and open my eyes to glimpse into what he has for me in heaven. For now I am making new memories, not just repurposing old traditions or trying to make things fit without Ken. I am praying a lot and trusting God to guide me into where he wants me to make ‘New Meaningful Memories’.

I hope and pray that you will have the opportunity to experience a new meaningful memory this season as you keep your eyes and heart open to the possibilities.

May God Bless You with a Joy Filled season as you celebrate Christmas.

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6, NIV