How does gratitude share the same sentence or space as grief let alone be held in the same heart and hand at the same time? I have discovered that emotions can for the most part be controlled, put on hold or masked until one has the opportunity to let it all out. However with grief it is more like it’s own entity or physical force that like a toddler running from the grip of a parent is hard to catch up with, reason or prevent from escaping. Gratitude on the other hand does allow one to choose to express, emote joy, and live in a moment of delight with a smile.
May I share just how grateful I am? This past Thanksgiving holiday was the first as a widow, me without my best friend, partner in all things, love of my life and stabilizer. Over the years Ken provided me with space and time to live life to the fullest, we laughed, talked, shared dreams and looked back on memories each holiday. Along with mass consumption of food, desserts and football! I am so grateful for the memories I have with Ken from our first Thanksgiving with our families before we married and so many in between to our last Thanksgiving when our children and grandchildren all gathered together for a weekend of fun, walks, and just being together. 
While he was just days away from major brain surgery, he knew that this Thanksgiving might be the last he would enjoy as he could then. I am grateful he went along with our plans and endured lots of pictures too.
While I am grateful for this precious and long lasting memory of last year, I am also grieving big time. Life is so very different without Ken and now I can better understand what many widows and widowers experience each holiday without their spouse. It is the most heart wrenching, hard to breathe kind of experience I have ever had. So much of each holiday was spent together, and long after the food was consumed and things cleaned up, we would have time to talk and just be together wherever we were. Being alone after a holiday is different and unwelcome! But with that very statement I am also grateful for having so many years to remember being with Ken.
And there you have it Grateful and Grief in the same space, experience and sentence. Without the loss of Ken I would not be experiencing this deep grief, without the life of Ken I would not be grateful for him and our memories.
I am reminded that God instructs me to give thanks to him, even in the midst of my own grief, I know that the Lords love for me is eternal and this time of grief will pass.
May I encourage you to take inventory of what you are grateful for? Please feel free to share with me and others in the comments. And please let those you love and care for how much you are grateful for them this holiday season.
“Give thanks to the Lord for He is good; his steadfast love endures forever” Psalm 107:1
Pati Rader 
As I’m getting ready to go see my dad this coming weekend in LA, where he resides in a skilled nursing facility I used to be the Administrator of for 13 years before I married Tim and moved to Northern Cal, your message resonated with me so much. I always wondered about how dad felt celebrating holidays and Birthdays after mom passed many years ago, and this year, being so far away from me during the holidays(he has stayed with Tim and I after mom passed)💔 my dad is a very joyful person but I also know he loves deeply and I can’t imagine the aloneness he must be feeling especially this year. As I look forward to visit with dad this coming weekend, I’m going to make sure he knows how much I love him and make the best of the weekend together. Thank you for your encouraging words❤️❤️❤️ Love you tons!!!
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Thank you for sharing Harumi… a timely reminder for anyone who has a loved one in a managed care setting. May your visit be sweet, joyful and meaningful as you love on your precious Dad and share some special moments with him🥰
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Yes, I would love that Pati! It’s a plan!
The Lord bless you and keep you through these weeks!❤️❤️
Robyn
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Hi Pati, I was blessed to read and catch up on all of your posts. Thank you for sharing and stepping out with courage into this unknown to share your journey, grieve and rejoice, and cause pause to your readers to inventory their “todays”. It is a gift you are giving that cannot be purchased.
My heart aches for you as you walk through so many firsts, it is hard to imagine. Thank you for pointing to your source of joy. It had encouraged me and I thank you!
Keep shining and being authentic, my friend!
Hugs to you. ❤️
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Thank you so much my sweet friend. God knew that when we met at that volunteer event shortly after we moved here that I would need your consistent prayers and friendship through this difficult time. I so appreciate you. Let’s get together in the new year
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Thank you for sharing your process Miss Pati. My heart aches for you but I’m so glad you have found gratefulness too.
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Thank you so much Stacy I am so blessed through your friendship
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Thank you Pati, for your openness and ability to express in words what we all share.
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Marilyn thank you for your encouragement. I am grateful to have met you and look forward to seeing you again soon.
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I am grateful that Ross has improved since beginning hormone treatment for his cancer. Back in March, I couldn’t have imagined he’d be as well and “normal” as he is today. I am grateful to have him present with me for the holidays once again.
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That is wonderful news Beth. May God bless you with a warm and wonder-filled holiday season:-)
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